Leah Clearwater:: This Is Your Life
by xxcullen1309xx
Summary: Starts just after Bella has given birth to Renesmee. Leah is secretly in love with Jacob, but what Leah doesn't know is that Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee. As she tries to get up the courage to confess to Jacob, will Leah finally mend her broken heart?
1. Chapter 1

**Leah Clearwater:: This Is Your Life.**

I awoke with a start, my heart racing and my head filled with the replay of yesterday's events.

The first memory to emerge from my fatigued mind was my loss of control: the way I had stormed into the house and taken it all out on Bella. The truth was, though, that it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault that Jacob was in love with her, and not her fault that she loved him as a best friend and nothing more. But it didn't stop the pain I felt emanating from Jacob whenever he looked at her, whenever Edward held her hand, or ran his hand over the huge bump that was their baby.

So I suppose I wasn't fully justified in what I had done to Bella yesterday. I blamed her for Jacob's pain, when what I really wanted was a substitute for my own suffering. How my heart ached when I saw the way Jacob looked at her, how the tears welled up inside my eyes but how I refused to let them fall.

I couldn't help it. I was in love with Jacob Black.

You know what they say, that love is sometimes strangely easy to mistake for loathing?

That had been my shelter for all these years now; whenever I felt the pain well up inside of me, I had taken it out on him. Little, stupid things I liked to bug him with: they distracted me from myself.

For a time, the pain would subside and I could become the Leah that he hated with a passion, the Leah that was always there when he wanted peace, the Leah that was just the older, most annoying member of the pack.

I didn't really care what he thought of me then, at least I was with him.

My mind wandered back to the conversation I had had with him after the day Bella had chosen Edward over him, how I had annoyed him again as usual, and some of the things I had said to him came flooding back.

I smiled at the memory.

_"I can't stand being in your head any more! Get over her already!" _I had said, _"Time to move on, boy."_

I laughed without humour. I remembered how I had felt such a hypocrite saying it. I could talk, couldn't I. The one who had taken years to get over Sam. The scars were still there, and I still felt the small spasm of pain whenever Emily caught his eye from across the room.

But Jacob was the one who could make that all go away. I knew, from days of being stuck in the pack's shared mind, that at one time he had thought of me as pretty. Beautiful, in fact. But those days were long gone.

No-one thought of me that way anymore.

Years of pain and tears had hardened me. I saw it in myself now, as I glanced over to the mirror on the opposite wall of my room.

My face was pinched, a thin crease between my eyebrows that slanted upwards at the corners and my features held a slightly sour, tortured expression.

I looked at my body as a whole, then. Wow. Years of grieving had hunched my shoulders up tight against my neck, and I was thin. Too thin. Gaunt, in fact. I sighed.

I remembered something else I had said to Jacob, that day.

_"You have no idea how hard this is for me."_

I didn't just mean having to hear him obsess over Bella, but how was I supposed to tell him that I longed for it to be me that he wanted, not that jumped-up blood-sucker-loving freak from Phoenix?

Sorry Bella. I didn't mean that.

Oh great. Now I was talking to someone who wasn't even there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

I tucked a clump of my short, dark hair behind my ear and sighed. My hands were clasped together anxiously as I ran through my possible solutions in my mind.

One. I could just do nothing. Surely I would be able to endure a few more years of pain, wouldn't I? I just had to survive long enough to get over this, and with Edward and Bella long gone by then, all of those feelings of jealousy, anger and pain would be gone, wouldn't they?

I massaged my forehead with the tips of my long, thin fingers as the complications of this so-called 'solution' came rising to the surface. What if I couldn't get over him? What if I was stuck in this state of grieving for the rest of my life? Surely I wouldn't be able to endure that.

I shuddered as I thought of the implications that arose: what if I went mad? Or worse, what if I was so stricken with grief that I took my own life?

I shook my head to stir the horrible images that had settled in my head.

I had another option.

I could confront him. Just tell him the truth of how I felt for him. Ughh. It was just so hard though. He thought I hated him!

I picked at a stray thread that lay on my duvet cover, a scowl on my face.

A thought suddenly struck me.

A little voice in the back of my mind shook its non-existent head in exasperation.

"_What are you doing?!" _It said.

"_...What do you mean?" _I thought back.

"_Just go and tell him! Look at yourself. You're a mess. Go and get your life sorted out. If he doesn't have the same feelings for you, well then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. IF we come to it."_

And in that moment, I knew I was right. This was what I wanted, why shouldn't I be able to experience a little happiness for once? For something to go right at last?

"SETH!!" I called down the stairs to my younger brother.

"What now?" He called back, annoyed. I had already disrupted him from playing X-Box twice this morning.

"Come here for a sec!" I could barely contain the smile that shone across my face, something that hadn't truly happened in years.

I heard Seth stomping up the stairs.

"What?" He said as he opened my door with such a force that it bounced back off its hinges and almost hit him in the face. He had to flinch out of the way, and let out a little squeal of surprise, sounding like the little girl he really is.

I giggled, surprising myself at the sound. Seth, who was already standing open-mouthed at the smile on my face from earlier, looked shocked.

"Wow, big sis. What is that strange thing on your face?"

"What?" he caught me off guard. I was usually faster to get his bad jokes, so now my being gullible meant that he was the one laughing at me.

"Oh, very funny," I said sarcastically, but with the smile still evident.

"So what's got you all happy for once?" He asked, coming to sit by me on the edge of the bed.

"Seth. I'm going to confess to Jacob," I watched for his reaction tensely. A range of emotions flickered across his face. Shock, surprise, worry, happiness, excitement and finally, he cracked up and launched his massive arms around me and crushed me in a big bear-hug.

"Wooop!! Jake's gonna be my brother-in-law!" he squealed excitedly, pulling away to look me straight in the face.

"Whoa, Seth. Don't get your hopes up too soon, 'kay?" Even as I said it, though, I knew I was past that. My hopes, without my permission, were sky-high and climbing higher with every second.

"What are you waiting for Lee?" Seth stared at me, "go find Jake!!"

I giggled.

"Okay!!"

I could barely contain myself as I sprinted towards the forest, hopping about as I tried to disentangle the clothes from my body so that I could phase and still be decent in front of Jake. Finally, I felt the surge of energy overwhelm me, but not in anger like it usually was; this was pure excitement, hope and above all, love.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys thanks for reviewing! :) **

**Here's chapter 3 - its a bit longer than I had planned, but whatever :)**

**enjoy! :D**

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**Chapter Three**

As I transformed, I felt the familiar sensation of the pack mind entering my own; it still sent a shiver down my spine even after all this time.

Quil and Embry were running; I could hear their measured paces as they bounded across the undergrowth, their massive paws crushing all that lay in their path.

I reached out with my mind, letting all the images of my decision flow into the other wolves' heads, but my invitation was met with an inner conflict from all of them. My happiness was tainted with an undertone of fear, anxiety and wariness, but it didn't come from inside of me.

I stumbled, and it threw me off guard: wolves hardly ever lose their footing, even on the side of a mountain in a raging storm. I slowed down, my breathing heavy with worry, my heart banging against my chest. I felt dizzy, as though some unknown foresight was bearing down on me. It took me a moment to realise that the others were trying to talk to me.

"_Leah,"_ Embry thought.

"_Leah, this isn't such a good idea," _Quil joined in then.

This time I stopped in my tracks. Not a good idea? Were they really going to ruin this one chance of happiness I might get to experience in this world? I felt my blood boil in my already sweltering wolf-body, and I started to tremble.

"_WHAT?" _I tried to sound reasonable, but even my thoughts were savage snarls.

"_Oh, Leah, I'm so sorry," _Embry tried to comfort me, but I didn't know what from.

"_Leah, Jake's already-" _Quil started to explain whatever it was that had them feeling sorry for me, but I wasn't going to let them spoil this.

I shook my head and let the heat flow through me, changing me back into a human.

I pulled my clothes from the within the thin cord around my ankle, and as I did so, I heard an anguished cry of a wolf.

It was Embry and Quil, still trying to warn me of some silly little thing that I was sure I really had nothing to do with.

I sighed and started running in the opposite direction, towards the Cullen's house where I knew Jake would be waiting for Bella and her baby. I think he spent so long there, just waiting for the baby to arrive, because he knew that once Edward and Bella had brought a child into the world, it would feel so real to him that he maybe would be able to move on. I hoped and wished for all I was worth that I would be the one to help him do this.

I hated running as a human. I had never been the most athletic pupil in PE classes at school. Sure, I wasn't as bad as Bella, who fell over just at the thought of basketball or hockey. Argh, I was doing it again. I still made snide comments towards Bella in my head even though she was actually really nice, and I suppose we got on quite well, really. It was the jealousy thing showing through again.

My feet thumped against the hard dirt ground with every pace, nothing compared to the loping, elegant stride of the wolf. And why did humans have to get so hot and sweaty when they ran? I could feel my face getting redder and redder, warmer and warmer, and soon I had to stop to catch my breath.

The thought of transforming was very appealing, but I couldn't bring myself to wrench my mind back through the half-whispered warnings and sympathetic apologies from the other wolves.

I started running again, slower this time: a measured pace, as I tried to figure out what I was going to say to Jacob when I saw him. I ran my hand through my harshly cropped hair, and wondered idly if I should grow it out again, maybe to remind me of the time when I liked my appearance, when I took pride in it.

I jogged across a simple clearing, through a few clumps of massive pine trees, and the foliage thinned, rays of light piercing the green glare of the forest. I shielded my eyes as the sun bounced off the huge window-wall that stood a few hundred yards away from me.

I giggled to myself as I started across the grassy flat towards the Cullen's house, and caught a glimpse of Jake through the giant windows. He had his back to me, unsuspecting, and in that moment, I knew exactly what I was going to do.

I took the front steps three at a time, my lanky legs striding determinedly up towards my destiny.

I knocked the door impatiently, tapping my foot on the stone ledge as I waited. I heard footsteps towards the door and Carlisle opened it. I immediately felt a bit sheepish after yesterday's escapades, and what I said to them all. My hands fumbled together, as I tried to string together a coherent conversation.

"Umm... Hi... Carlisle. Umm... I just wanted to apologise for my umm... behaviour... yesterday," I stammered, trying not to meet his beautiful golden eyes, as I knew it would make the stammering worse.

Carlisle held up a hand in submission, "Leah, do not apologise for your actions. What's done is done, and I think you had every right to act the way you did. I can tell you now, Bella holds nothing against you for it," he smiled warmly, and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

A little voice in my head laughed and said, _come on Leah. He's REALLY not your type._

"Right," I said, distracted, "Good. Ermm... could I talk to Jacob for a second?" My heart fluttered as I thought of how close I was to everything I've ever wanted.

"Sure," said Carlisle, and he stood aside to let me in.

I stumbled slightly as I stepped over the threshold, my gaze fixed on the doorway into the living room. I crossed the hallway in a few long strides and hovered by the door for a second.

I didn't see anyone else in the room. I couldn't take in any of the atmosphere or situations that were going on around me; I only had eyes for Jacob.

My lips pursed into a tight line as exhaled a deep breath and took a few steps towards him. He had no idea.

"Hey," I breathed.

The room was frozen to me, but out of the corner of my eye, I could feel Edward's gaze heavy on me. I turned my head slightly and saw him sigh and whisper to himself, "Oh no." A pained expression crossed his face and he bit his lip. We both turned to Jacob to watch for his reaction.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys - here is the next chaptaaaar :]  
Sorry its taken so long to update - coursework kind of came first i'm afraid :/**

**Hope you enjoy...  
:D**

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**Chapter Four**

"Oh, hey Leah," Jacob said and walked a few steps towards me. I felt my heart thump against my chest so hard that it hurt, but I would choose this pain over what I had endured for all those years any day.

"'Sup?" he said casually. A laugh forced its way up my throat, but I suppressed it with a shake of my head; I had done well – given nothing away as to why I was there. Jake looked a little confused at the silence that was longer than was polite.

"Umm... hey. Ca-can I talk to you outside for a second?" I didn't meet his gaze.

"Sure. You definitely done shouting at Bella now then, yeah?" He joked. I rolled my eyes, still not looking at his.

"Yeah," I said in a small voice, "I'm really sorry about that Bell-" but I broke off as soon as I realised that Bella wasn't in the room.

"Where is she?" I asked blankly, not understanding – wherever Edward went, Bella was usually there too. I noticed Edward's expression became guarded, but it was Carlisle who answered.

"The baby was born yesterday," he stated in a tone that had a slight edge to it. I looked confusedly to Jacob for an explanation but my stomach did a somersault as I did so.

"The birth didn't go quite to plan, I'm afraid," Jacob said, glancing at Carlisle as though asking permission to tell the story. I saw Carlisle nod infinitesimally, but wished that he had said to wait for later. Why did I have to stand here listening to yet another story about Bella? Sure, I hoped she was OK and everything, but did I really need to know the details? Especially when there were way more important things at hand... like getting my life back.

Little did I know that as I hoped to get my life back; upstairs, someone else was getting their life taken away from them.

I listened in horror as Jacob recounted the details of the birth. I felt my cheeks flushing red as guilt flowed through me at how selfish and arrogant I had been. Of course Bella's life was more important at this particular moment in time. Or should I say death.

Edward had to leave the room – I could sense he never wanted those images recounted before him again – the pain must have been unbearable. How well I knew that...

"How is she?" I whispered, my eyebrows pinched together, and biting my lip.

There was a silence.

"She's burning." Carlisle said.

"I should only last maybe two more days, though," Alice said quietly, "I've seen it."

"And the baby?" I mouthed this time. How could a child so small and defenceless survive a birth as traumatic as that?

At this, Jacob's face lit up, and he was the first to answer, "She's doing fine. She's asleep at the moment. Her name is Renesmee," he said softly.

His quick reply threw me for a moment. I'd had no idea he was this involved with the Cullens. Edward came back down the stairs at that point, trying to shoot Jacob a warning glance without me noticing, but I saw. A spasm of annoyance shot through me. What was it with keeping things from me today?

"She's awake," Edward said quietly to Rosalie.

"Do you want to meet her?" Jacob's eyes were wide with excitement, but the annoyance was still there inside me.

"No, Jake!" I said a bit too sharply. His face fell, and I flinched at the sight of hurting him, "sorry, I mean, sure I would like to meet her. But not now. I need to talk to you Jake," I said seriously.

The smile was back.

"Sure, Leah. I need to talk to you, too. I think there'll be some changes around here," he grinned, "We'll be back in a minute, 'kay Edward?" Jake called as he started over to the door. That was strange, I really don't remember them being _that _good friends. Or maybe I was just too wrapped up in my own emotions to notice.

I shot a glance at Edward, when I realised he hadn't replied. He was staring at me with an expression of pity on his face. It half looked like he wanted to stop me from walking out the door. I frowned at him, and slowly followed Jacob out of the house.

We walked silently around to the back, by the river.

"Jake," I started, but he cut in front of me. I let him carry on, at least then he might let me have my say.

"Leah, it's true," he said, looking me in the eyes, and then starting to pace," you know, what we used to say, that there is someone for everyone out there. And that you know it when they come into your life." He looked at me.

My breath caught in my throat, and relief and happiness flooded through my had-been-tense muscles.

It was me.

He was going to say that he had finally realised his feelings and come to his senses. It was me he had wanted all along; I was right there in front of him for all that time and he had only just realised it. It was me! How could it be anyone else? And isn't fate meant to work this way? I was just about to confess to him! It was perfect. My lips broke into a smile, knowing it was the truth, and that I was about to get everything I had ever wanted.

It was me.

"Leah," he said, smiling, shaking his head in awed disbelief.

"Jake," I breathed, my chest constricting as my swollen heart thumped impatiently against my ribs. I reached my hand towards him, trembling and he caught mine in his. His warm skin burned mine; the fire kindled a desire inside me, so strong I could barely see. He took my other hand and looked intensely at me, his deep brown eyes fierce with joy.

"It feels like the whole world revolved around that one moment, Leah, that moment when I first looked into her face. Leah, I've imprinted. I can't believe it's really happened but... it's her. Renesmee."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews guys! (:**

**Here is the next chapter, but its kinda short... :/**

**Next one will be longer, promise! :D**

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**Chapter Five**

Renesmee.

My heart stopped, and my stomach plummeted.

Not me.

Icy cold water was injected into my veins as the truth of his words sunk in. I shuddered involuntarily as the ice ripped through my insides, but I couldn't move. The agony had me frozen, staring at Jacob with, well... I don't know what my face was portraying at that moment. It could be anything. I didn't care.

I dropped my hands from Jacobs grasp abruptly. The fire of his skin was too much; it conflicted with the ice of my heart. I couldn't bear to hold the hands I knew could never be mine.

Jacob shook his head.

"It's the most amazing feeling, Leah," His voice sent spasms of pain wracking through me, the way he said my name was almost unbearable. I let out a tiny whimper, but otherwise tried to conceal my pain.

"So many of us have imprinted now, I'm sure it's going to happen to the whole pack," Jacob's voice was full of sympathy for me, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

He reached out to lift my chin up with his long fingers, and I bit my lip so hard it drew blood. It didn't matter. A pain as trivial as that could not be compared to the agony I was feeling inside of me.

"It will happen Leah, and when it does, you'll know. I mean, if _I_ can imprint, even after Bella," he let out a small laugh, "_of course_ you can. Just sit tight, and you'll get everything you've ever wanted soon enough." He smiled, and that was it. I couldn't stand it anymore.

My face crumpled and I yanked my head out of his gentle grip on my chin.

My limbs had turned to lead, but at the same time, felt as though they weren't even strong enough to hold my frail body up.

I pushed my body to its limits, before summoning up the fire mid-stride once I had hit the forest. One moment, my fragile human feet were protesting against the heavy footfalls on the sharp pine-needles, and then I heard the satisfying _thump thump_ of my massive wolf paws on the soft earth.

I saw a shred of clothing whip past me, but didn't even register what that meant. I had no need for clothing now. Maybe I was destined to be this way forever. I had no inclination to ever go back. This huge, sinewy body would become my refuge.

I let out a piercing howl as I escaped into the void of nothingness that was now my life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Aww guys - its been so long!  
I promise to update more frequently now I am on study leave and actually know where I'm going in this story... which always helps :)  
Hope you enjoy - its kind of a weird chapter, but oh well. It'll hopefully get better from here :3**

**Chapter Six**

I collapsed, exhausted, on the grassy outcrop that topped the high cliffs. The wind whipped around my furry face almost blinding me, but it wasn't cold. I couldn't feel anything anymore. The strong wind was just a light pressure on my numb skin.

My sides heaved as my heart fought to pump the tired blood around the vast form I had now become. I had run harder and faster than I ever had done in my life, trying to escape the pain, but no. No pain as strong as this could ever be outrun by a mere wolf.

I glanced down at my heaving body, and saw that one of my now corded muscular legs was sliced open, blood silently pulsing out of the wound.

I didn't care.

Let me bleed to death, I thought. Who's going to care if I die out here anyway?

My out-of-focus mind muddled my thoughts. A small part of my brain wondered idly about the rest of the pack, and how I couldn't hear them at this moment.

Maybe I was too far away. I didn't know how far I had gone, so that was a possibility. Or maybe my actions had severed my ties to the pack, and I was on my own.

Maybe my thoughts were so racked with pain that no-one wanted to listen.

Who knows? I didn't. I didn't care.

My eyes became heavy, and I realised dully that I hadn't slept in days.

I had watched the sun rise and set each day, but it was separate from me somehow, as if even the sun and moon had deserted me.

But even as I thought that, the setting sun dragged my eyelids down with it, and I fell into a deep, troubled sleep...

I was human again, drifting, semi-conscious, towards my goal. What that was I didn't know, but my feet pulled me forward, compelling me to put one foot in front of the other like nothing else mattered. Were my eyes open? I didn't know. Colours floated past, too vibrant to be real. My head pounded and I was so weak that it lolled against my shoulder, moving in time with my erratic, stumbling footsteps.

"Leah!" Someone called from far away. I wanted to reply, but it felt like my throat had closed up. Instead I tried to raise my hand towards the sound, to acknowledge the call of my name, but I had no control over my limbs. I just drifted towards wherever my feet were taking me.

"Leah, follow me!" The voice sounded again, and this time it wasn't so fuzzy. It came into focus, and I could make out the tone, the emotion.

It was a young girl's voice, and she was laughing. Mocking me? I wasn't sure. But she sounded happy, something I hadn't truly felt in years.

This time I could reply, albeit croakily.

"Yes... Yes?" I managed to choke out, but my throat burned with a fire that made me cough.

"Leah, I can't see you. Where are you?" The little voice chirped, almost singing.

"I'm... here," I wheezed, stumbling over something. A tree root. I was in some sort of garden, or wooded area. Slowly my surroundings came into focus, along with a little girl who ran towards me from beyond my peripherals.

"Leah!" The girl ran at me with force, wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my stomach. My skin burned from the human touch, and I tried to grapple with her, to get her off me.

"Come on Leah, don't you know who I am?" The girl was definitely mocking me now, taunting me.

I felt I should know who she was - she was vaguely familiar, but it was not this face I had seen before, it was two faces, merged into one somehow.

Her parents.

My revelation sent icy shivers down my spine. I knew who the two faces were. It was Edward and Bella. And therefore I knew who this child must be. The child who had ruined my life and driven me to the brink of insanity, and yet I had never met her.

This child must be her. _Renesmee..._

I was suddenly wide awake, panting, but with my energy levels revived. I felt different, less alert, but the emotions were stronger than they had been before I had gone to sleep.

I lifted a hand to my face, and realised with a jolt that I was human again, just like the dream. The anger I had felt must have been so real that it had caused me to transform without my consent.

That anger racked through me then, and _her_ face swam to mind. I let out a guttural snarl, enough to rival that of my wolf-self.

I hated her. Never in all my life had I hated someone so much. Not even Emily, who had stolen Sam's heart when I had believed it to be mine forever. No. That was a matter of Sam imprinting. This, right here, right now was about my imprinting, and the girl who had stood in the way of that.

I was obsessed. I had to find her, and do whatever I could to stop this sick joke from becoming a reality in my eyes.

The quivering started again, and my wolf form took over. It was like greeting an old friend. This was where I belonged.

I always found that I could think more clearly as a wolf, that somehow it rationalised my decisions, but this time the fierce hate for the girl burned just as strong as it had when I was human.

I had to kill her. I had to.

I'd kill her. I'D KILL HER!!

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	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews everyone :)  
As usual, here is the next chapter and apologies for the long time between updates :P  
Review if you feel the need :D ****xx**

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**Chapter Seven**

My breathing slowed as I approached the driveway. I would need time to plan my attack, I thought, as I padded down the long, winding road towards the big house, my future coming closer with every step.

And with every step also came the increasing certainty of what I was about to do.

Finally I reached the clearing where it opened out onto the front step of the ridiculously large house. Against my better nature, I stayed in my wolf form. I wanted the sharp human emotions to pulse through me, to cloud my vision with their pain so that I would feel justified in what I was doing. But no. I didn't want to have to explain myself, and I needed all the strength this sinewy body would give me.

I prowled into the bushes directly in front of the window wall, but made sure I was well hidden; I could only hope that Edward wasn't paying too much attention to the thoughts outside of his home today.

My eyes fixed on the scene before me, and I saw my target.

She sat on the floor, centre of attention, of course; everyone crowded around her, smiling and cooing. It was sickening.

I didn't have to look far for Jacob. He sat on her other side, leaning against the sofa, holding her tiny hand.

A tear trickled down my pointed muzzle. That was new. I didn't know I could feel this much hurt in my wolf form.

I took a deep breath, and launched myself towards the window.

All plans of attack forgotten, the adrenaline took over and I was fixated on Renesmee. My eyes narrowed as I readied myself for the blow I knew would come as I crashed through the huge pane of glass separating me and my prey.

My feet left the ground once more and splintered the glass before me. It shattered as I propelled myself head-on into it. I heard the ripping of my own flesh and even muscle, but I didn't feel a thing.

In the second I had closed my eyes to avoid the dagger-sharp glass, I had lost my target. My feet hit the floor and I immediately wheeled around to find her.

Edward had snatched her out of my path, and was now crouched in front of her and Bella, ready to attack. I didn't want to hurt Edward, or Bella, for that matter, but this meant war. I let out a howl and readied myself to pounce again.

Before I had time to consider which way it was best to attack from, the whole coven had placed themselves protectively in front of the doomed girl. Their growls and snarls ripped through the air but I took no notice.

I began to move slowly, stealthily around the throng of vampires, and out of the corner of my eye I saw that one member of the coven was not with them.

Jasper was crouched, doubled over in pain, in the corner of the room. It took me a second to realise why this would be – I hadn't attacked from that direction at all, but then I figured – my emotions were so strong that I had actually caused him physical pain.

I flinched at this, breaking my step in the circle I was making around the Cullens. It was never my intention to hurt any of these people, except _her_, of course – after all, they had done nothing to hurt me, and had even shown compassion when I had been rude and violent before.

I saw this compassion in Esme's eyes, compassion that was now tinted with caution and disappointment.

This was not what I wanted. Maybe I had to be acceptant that this is how things would be.

I began to back away.

I saw Edward relax and straighten up, his face even showing signs of pity as he read my intentions.

My head hung in shame; I crawled away from the coven, more tears spilling from my dark eyes. I flinched again as I saw the tremor that racked through Jasper at this new wave of emotion. It was too much.

I slowly turned to go, shaking my head, when a quiet voice spoke from across the room, the only voice that could ever draw my attention while I was in this state.

"Leah," Jacob whispered.

I looked at him, tears blurring my vision. He had started to tremble.

"LEAH!" He roared, and took a great leap towards me, transforming mid-jump, clothes ripping into shreds leaving a trail behind him.

Before I had time to react, he had my throat in between his deadly jaws, and tossed me through the already-smashed window. My side caught on the jagged glass and I felt hot blood pulsing out of the wound as I hit the ground. I didn't care.

I felt the ground shake as Jake's gigantic form landed beside me, snarling. As I looked into his eyes, I saw no remorse, no mercy that might save my life.

His clawed paws ripped at my face and chest, pinning me down, and I didn't try to fight. I deserved this. In a masochistic kind of way, I even wanted this.

But could Jake really have it in him to kill me? I wasn't so sure. I knew in my heart that he wanted to, and I wished he would get it over with. After all, it was what I deserved. And how better to end a life of suffering than at the hands of the person who had made you suffer himself?

But could he do it? Could he?

I took a deep breath, what I suspected to be my last, and looked up into his face.

_Do it, Jacob, _I thought, ignoring the thrill that went through me when I thought his name.

_DO IT NOW!!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Its the penultimate chapter! Only one more to go after this one!! :O  
Anyways hope you enjoy - its extra long (well, for me :P) just to make up for the lack of, in recent weeks :P  
As usual: review if you want, i dont mind :) xx**

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**Chapter Eight**

I squeezed my eyes tight shut as I saw Jacob raise his massive paw to deliver the death blow. I waited, not breathing, willing him to get it over with, until it had been too long for him not to have killed me.

This must be it. I must be dead. I could feel nothing, hear nothing; the growls and snarls had disappeared and I was completely at ease, peaceful, even. Death is painless, I thought to myself.

A pressure on my body that I hadn't noticed before suddenly lifted, and I opened my eyes despite myself, only to see Jacob's huge wolf form padding away from me.

I blinked. Everything was as it was before, only the atmosphere had lifted; no longer vicious, but sort of resigned.

What? But I'm dead, I thought. Why was Jacob...?

Unless, and my pulse raised as I dared to think it, maybe Jacob hadn't had it in him; he hadn't killed me.

I stared at his retreating figure, stunned. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins as I realised that maybe this crazy scenario could actually be a possibility.

I got to my feet quickly, relishing the feeling of my sinewy muscles moving underneath my skin. After I had come that close to death, I felt as though I would savour every step, every breath, as though it was my last.

I padded slowly after Jacob, still unsure as to the temperamental nature of his mood. I limped slightly; my right flank expelled more blood with every pressure of a footfall.

I saw Jacob slinking into the forest behind the big house and wondered idly whether the Cullens had watched our conflict, and were maybe curious about our sudden detente. I didn't particularly care. They could interfere all they wanted; there was nothing they could do to make things worse for me right now anyway.

Suddenly Jacob emerged from the trees – in my wonderings I had not noticed his short disappearance – in his human form, pulling on a pair of worn-out combats. He ran a hand through his shaggy, ebony hair as I padded still forward, looking like a dog in disgrace. With a suppressed laugh, I supposed that bore quite a resemblance to my situation.

Without looking at me, he lobbed a holey T-shirt and jogging bottoms in my direction. He sighed.

"Transform. And put these on," his voice was hard and bitter, quite unlike his usual pleasantries. You always used to hear a smile in Jacob's voice, I thought, and then pushed the thought out of my head, to get rid of the pain I knew would shortly come washing over me with these memories.

I picked up the haphazard clothes package in my teeth and trotted behind the nearest bush. I knew as soon as I transformed that the sharp-as-ever emotions would greet me like an old friend. Or maybe, I thought to myself, an old enemy would be more fitting.

I gritted my teeth, trying to push the pain from my mind as I quickly pulled on the old clothes. Tears spilled over from my eyes, but I wiped them away vigorously with the coarse T-shirt.

I ran my hands through my short, dank hair, and pulled at my face to try and make myself feel more human, more alive. I took a deep breath and went out to meet Jacob.

He stood leaning against a tree-trunk, his bare chest sporting a long scratch down its length. I bit my lip. Even though I could see that it was nearly healed - the skin was knitting itself back together as I watched – I couldn't help the pang of guilt that shot through me for inflicting that injury on him in the first place. I absent-mindedly glanced down at my thigh – blood was seeping through the trousers from the wound underneath but it felt like it was stemming. It would be completely healed in a few hours. I looked back at Jacob.

He seemed to be waiting for me to speak.

"Well," I said in a small voice, "here we are again." And indeed, we were standing in the same spot as before, when he had told me about Renes-... _her._

"Leah, why did you do it?" He spoke quickly, harshly, his eyes intense. I broke the eye contact, and I felt my face flush red.

"I- I don't know..." I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth.

He strode over, closing the gap between us in three long strides, and put his hand on my shoulder. I flinched away from his warm grip, ignoring the thrill it sent racing through me.

"Look at me!" he pulled my face up to his, so I was staring him straight in the eye with no chance of breaking his fiery glare. My face crumpled, and I felt the tears coming. Suddenly his face softened, and he dropped his hand from my chin.

"Leah, this isn't just about protecting me anymore, is it?" he said quietly. This much I could deal with. Little bit by little bit.

"No," I said hoarsely, beginning to shake, my lips trembling. I felt Jacob's arms catch me and hold me to him as the tears came. I realised I hadn't cried like this in a long time. I'd felt the pain, but endured it - I'd never let it drag me under like this before.

I surfaced a while later, once the tears had relented. Jacob still held me in his arms, letting me cry myself out. Once I was done, I looked weakly up into his face, and was shocked to find a single tear spilling down his russet cheek. I felt a wave of fresh tears come over me at this sign of complete compassion. I tried to bite them back, but to no avail.

"W-why... are y-you crying?" I managed to choke out, coughing.

"Oh, Leah," Jacob whispered, holding me to his chest again, "I think... I think I've finally realised what's been wrong with you all this time. Oh, and I've been so stupid not to recognise it before, I was just so tied up in my own life, I didn't even think about what you could be going through... I guess... I guess I've always known."

He pushed me gently away and held me at arm's length.

"I am so sorry," he said quietly, but with such intensity that my eyes welled up again. The tears dribbled down my face, but Jacob reached out quickly to catch them, to wipe them away.

I felt numb. Could he really have realised that I was completely and utterly in love with him? I had tried to keep my feelings hidden, but I suppose these past few days... well, now I thought about it, it was pretty obvious, I mean, I tried to kill the competition, for goodness' sakes! So maybe he did know, and after all he had been through with Bella, surely he would understand?

I summoned up all my courage, and readied myself for the speech I knew was coming, about how it had always been him, and how I would never love anyone else. It would be about how I knew nothing could ever happen between us because of Renesmee, and how that practically ripped my heart in two, but also how I accepted the situation now, and how I knew I couldn't tamper with fate.

I took a deep breath.

"Jake..." but he put a finger to my lips and cradled my face in his hands. Slowly, he lowered his eyes to mine, and started to lean in. My breath caught in my throat, and he hesitated to see how he would be received. I stared up into his eyes in amazement; they were intense, yet soft somehow. I was lost in their depths.

"I know," he breathed, and his musky fragrance wafted over me. I closed my eyes, savouring the moment for I knew it would be over too fast. I also knew, however, that I didn't care.

I felt his breathing closer on my face, and knew he was so close now. I was so close. To everything I'd ever dreamed of. His lips finally met mine, and all the pent-up pain and anger was gone. I relaxed into him, my hands clutching around his neck, pulling myself closer to him. He kissed me gently for a few seconds and then it became more urgent, as though we both knew this was our only chance. Our lips moved together in perfect sync, as though we were meant for each other, even though so much stood between us. But he was mine, even if it was only for this moment. I'd never been happier.

Jacob pulled away slowly. Unwillingly? I let myself believe so.

He rested his forehead against mine.

"Leah, I'm so sorry," he started, "but it can never be-" It was my turn to stop him now. I placed a finger on his lips and shook my head.

"No," I said, "Don't spoil it. Let's just leave it at that. I understand."

"But-" Jacob protested through my finger.

"Thankyou," I breathed, and leant up to kiss him once more. As I turned away, his hand caught mine, but then he seemed to think better of it, and he let it drop as I began to walk into the forest.

I turned slowly, just needing one last look.

"Goodbye, Jake. I love you," I whispered. I knew he would hear.

"Leah," Jake started to stride towards me again with a frown lining his features, but I shook my head. He stopped mid-stride, and relaxed, hands dropping limply beside him.

"I love you, too," he said resignedly.

"Yeah," I breathed, with a small smile...


	9. Chapter 9

**Last chapter guys! OK so I guess its more of an epilogue than a chapter - just tying up loose ends and what not :) so yeah its pretty short...  
Hope you have enjoyed reading my ramblings, thanks for all the reviews! :D  
Enjoy :) xx**

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**Chapter Nine**

I sat alone, atop the same cliff where Jake and I had sat only days ago. Or was it longer? I had lost all sense of time. Every fragile pulse of my heart was a random happening in this endless void. And every pulse of my heart ached with more intensity than the last.

I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my head for a short while, feeling the chilly sea air whip around my features.

"Enough now," I whispered to myself, but my voice was lost on the wind. I smiled to myself, staring out over the rolling waves below me.

I had got what I wanted, if only for a few minutes. I knew in my heart now that Jacob loved me, just that he loved Renesmee more.

There was nothing I could do to change that. I would surrender.

I would savour those memories forever, my happiest days. Being in his company, his arms around me, the taste of his lips on mine. I would leave now, before the memories could become twisted with pain, or anger. I would start afresh.

I got to my feet, my fate decided and my heart in agreement.

Perhaps I would return, someday. I couldn't leave Seth as an only child for too long could I? He might get cocky, I thought to myself, and let out a soft laugh.

I took a deep breath, turning towards the vast forest. I knew the pain would lessen soon enough. The fires of my anger and suffering had been doused by Jacob's show of compassion. Perhaps that was all I needed. A little forgiveness, understanding. A little liberation.

"Well," I breathed, "Leah Clearwater, this is your life," and I took the first step, barefoot, into the wilderness beyond.

THE END.


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